Recovery means trusting that stifled, yet healthy, part of you that knows you are actually not OK

cross post - Pacific MFT Network

cross post - Pacific MFT Network

In the pre-stages and early stages of eating disorder recovery, your world can feel like it's turning upside down. Like everyone around you who "cares" about you and your "health" is just trying to take away the one thing you can always count on...the one thing you are successful at...or that no one else can really control, but you can. 

It's infuriating... terrifying...and you won't want to let go.

You'll want to fight, you'll want to deny, justify, and hide, even more than you already have been.

But there will be a seemingly silent part of you, a part of you that has likely been significantly stifled by your eating disorder running rampant in your mind and body...this small part of you will know that you need help, and that no, you are actually not OK, really. 

We came across this beautifully personal piece from The Mighty, giving advice to those in early recovery, and were compelled to share it. Click on the following link to see full post, titled

"What I Wish I Could Tell Someone in the Early Stages of Eating Disorder Recovery"

http://themighty.com/2016/06/advice-for-anyone-starting-their-eating-disorder-recovery/

If any of it strikes a chord for you, we encourage you to seek support. 

If you're in L.A., we offer outpatient services for those struggling with eating disorders and other mental and emotional illnesses. Please visit our website for more info on our Eating Disorder Recovery Group, and resources for individuals and families. www.pacificmft.com

Click here or scroll to the bottom of this article for details on my ED Group in Manhattan Beach.

If you or someone who know may be struggling with an eating disorder, please consult your physician, or visit the following websites for help finding resources: 

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ 

http://www.edreferral.com/ 

Share your Light, Spread the Love

via Pacific MFT Network (cross-post) 

Given the horrific amount of tragedies, violence, and hate polluting our world in present day, we have been thinking a lot about how we can possibly combat this as individuals in our own communities. 

Following the Orlando tragedy [#prayfororlando #prayforhumanity] just a week and a half ago, we posted this moving quote by Martin Luther King Jr...

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that".

Sometimes, it's easy to get caught up in all the darkness around us, only to slowly, tragically, experience the fading light that comes from within ourselves. 

In face of the very real, very scary existence of travesty, terror, and pain - we remind you of the power of that glimmering light inside of you.

Don't let it fade. Spread it!

Tell the person next to you why they are wonderful and worthy of love. Serve in your community. Give to the needy. Help that elderly woman to her car. Help promote a healthier environment. Save a stray and starving dog. Build a loving, humble, safe home for your family...Whatever it means to you, give your time to what's good in our world...and keep loving others...

...because "a candle loses nothing by lighting another candle" - James Keller. 


Rachel Cord, Registered Marriage and Family Therapist Intern #89397. Pacific MFT Network, © 2016.

Strong Body-Strong Mind | Eating Disorder Support Group | Fall Schedule

Sliding fee scale available if needed.

See Fall schedule below.

Please contact Pacific MFT Network directly for information on joining!

www.pacificmft.com

Fall ED Tribe Schedule

Fall Session I

Tuesdays 430-6PM

Sep 6th

Sep 13th

Sep 20th

2 week break

Fall Session II

Tuesdays 430-6 PM

Oct 11th

Oct 18th

Oct 25th

Nov 1st

Nov 8th

Nov 15th

1 week break

Fall Session III / Holiday Session

Tuesday 430-6PM

Nov 29th

Dec 6th

Dec 13th

Dec 20th

Letting Go: "Perfect" is not a real thing

While I've been taking some time off from sitting down to reflect and write in the past month, I can't stop thinking about this particular article by Lee Neagle, MA & RiverMend Health, and have decided to share some of the wealth of wisdom I've been coming across lately!

One of the major themes I see coming up in my own personal sphere, as well as with many of my clients, is the glorification of being overworked, overwhelmed, over-scheduled, and going above and beyond...all.the.time. We are praised for having packed schedules, working 50 plus hours a week, pulling constant all-nighters to stay at the top of the class, etc. etc.....I notice this especially with adolescents and young adults, but regardless of age or stage of life, that pressure and drive to constantly achieve, do, succeed, or win seems to be hammered into our brains as necessary and honorable - but at what cost? 

My own experience with letting go of obsessing and striving for perfection makes me particularly passionate and close to this topic. It may seem counterintuitive, but thinking you have to do everything perfectly all the time, and trying to be the perfect version of yourself (whatever your version of that is) may actually be destroying you and doing the opposite of moving you forward.

Perfectionism can lead to a variety of serious physical, emotional, and mental hardships, eating disorders being one of them. This article says it all, and I encourage you to read it if you or someone you know fits the description of "perfectionist"..... that life isn't as easy or glamorous as it may seem. 

http://www.rivermendhealth.com/resources/life-for-the-perfectionist-can-be-imperfect/

P.S. - by no means do I undermine the importance of hard work, dedication, goal-setting, and follow-through...the key is finding a healthy balance, which is a whole other important topic in itself...stay tuned for more on that!

Making Meaningful Resolutions for a New Year

It's just a few days until we ring in the New Year and start fresh with 2016. I know I'm not the only one with New Years resolutions on the mind...and this year, I want to approach it a little differently.

I am all about embracing new beginnings and setting goals, but it seems to me that these resolutions are oftentimes arbitrary and unrealistic (I speak for my own experiences here too). Every time I see a list of resolutions or hear people talking about it, they seem to be focusing on things like saving x amount of money, losing weight, or cutting some random food group out of their diet. And hey, if these are healthy resolutions that are realistic, purposeful, and important to your personal life context, who am I to discount that?

Whatever your resolutions are, the key is to set yourself up for success, perhaps with baby steps by making your resolutions small and manageable, but still meaningful to you. Don't make unrealistic expectations of yourself that will either discourage you from trying at all, or will cause shame or guilt if you don't reach them.

Remember that sometimes the smallest steps forward are the biggest victories.

Try to think big picture, rather than a "quick fix" to a problem you're having or something you are dissatisfied with in your life. Most importantly, make sure your resolutions align with your values, your wellness, and your long-term goals in life.

What we hope to accomplish and change in the future is relative person to person, but one thing that I believe is very important across the board is not to forget about the year(s) past...

If you are going to take the time and thought to make a new years resolution (or a few), be mindful about it. In the process of making goals and promises to yourself for the year to come, think about the past 12 months and what you have accomplished, learned, and experienced that has molded you to the place you are sitting right now. The past, present, and future are all intricately connected - so whatever your resolutions may be for 2016 - be sure that they honor you, those you love, and the big picture of what is most important to you.


Experiencing Joy When Your Cup is Empty

It is mid-December and we are in the middle of the holidays, also known as the "most wonderful time of the year". A time when we are supposed to be full of joy, surrounded by love, and at peace. But the disheartening truth is that our world is suffering from a lack of such things.

The irony is that right now I should be running a therapy group with 7 middle-schoolers, leading them in an activity intended to encourage reflection around "intangible gift-giving" (such as kindness, hope, gratitude, and trust). Instead, these children are not able to be at school due to threats of violence targeting the LAUSD, resulting in 900 school closures across Los Angeles today. Yes, we have a violence problem, a terrorism problem, a gun problem, but at the root of it all we have a humanity problem.

In these moments I wonder: how do we stay in the holiday spirit (or any kind of positive spirit) when there is such pain, fear, and tragedy happening around and within us?

As I sit at my desk feeling discouraged and saddened, I have to make the conscious choice to see the word "joy" printed on my tea-cup, to smell the "balsam fir" candle burning next to me, and to hear Frank Sinatra's rendition of "I'll be Home for Christmas" playing in the background. Here are a few simple ways to experience joy, even if your "cup of joy" appears to be empty...

1. Get outside. As tempting and cozy as it may be to stay indoors during this "harsh" California winter, getting outside can be the perfect redirection from negative feelings. Whether you take a five minute work break for some fresh air, find a beach to sit on, or go for an hour long walk, getting a taste of nature is a great "pick me up".

2. Snuggle a furry friend. Spend some extra time with your pet. Experiencing unconditional love and affection from a dog (or any animal you share a bond with) is actually an evidence-based way to feel a multitude of renewed uplifting emotions.

3. Tell someone you love them, and tell them why. In my opinion, the first step to feeling joy and combating the negativity in the world, is to open our hearts to others, spread the love, and remind people why they are cherished.

4. Make a list of all the things you are grateful for. Glad you have hot water to take a warm shower with later? Thankful to have someone who loves you despite how weird you really are behind closed doors? Blessed with money to pay for other things you enjoy and/or need? ... Perspective is the key to happiness.

5. Give back to your community or a charity. Because giving feels good. And the world needs our time and money invested in things that actually matter. Every little bit counts.

6. Exercise. What's that? Physical activity is good for the body AND the mind? Yes! exercise = endorphins = happy.

7. Make use of that mistletoe. Speaking of endorphins...if you're looking to self-medicate, kissing is one dopamine-producing drug I'm actually willing to support.

8. Remind yourself that it's okay to be happy, and that you deserve to be. Make a conscious decision to allow yourself to experience joy, however that may be for you. Mindfully living with intent, purpose, and awareness of the positive things, however small, is part of breaking down the walls that can prevent your heart from feeling happy.

There are many ways to experience joy, but sometimes it can seem impossible to find joy in things that normally bring us pleasure. Personal therapy is a good way to rediscover that ability in yourself. If you are interested in considering therapy, I encourage you to contact me to discuss options for therapeutic services.

How You Treat Your Body Is Affecting Your Mind

...because hangry is a very real thing...

As highlighted in my previous article called Emotional Self-Care, one of my greatest passions as both a person and a clinician is increasing understanding of the link between physical health and mental health (that "power couple" I like to call overall well-being).

A colleague and good friend of mine, Jessica Brennan*, is a Registered Dietitian who focuses her practice not only on the importance of adequate nutrition and exercise, but also on things like quality sleep and stress management to improve overall health and wellness. While this is wonderfully convenient for me personally, I also trust her as a key resource and referral for any of my clients who struggle with nutritional health, maladaptive relationships with food, or who need help figuring out the best diet and exercise routine for their specific needs, goals, and lifestyle (key word: specific).

One of the many reasons I appreciate Jessica's work is that she doesn't believe in any one perfect diet (hallelujah!). At a recent training conference, I heard a statistic that the #1 area of marketing with the most money spent per year in advertising - targeting us every single day in more ways than we know - is dieting. That may seem pretty obvious, but it still blows my mind how obsessed we are as a society with approaching quality of life and values from a highly superficial outward perspective. Majority of the time, these subliminal messages are targeting those of us longing for a quick, easy fix to all of the things we are dissatisfied with about ourselves and our lives (spoiler alert: that doesn't exist).

Lately, Jessica and I have been discussing how similar our viewpoints are on health and wellness, inspiring us to join forces with our differing skill-sets, educations, and specialties to talk about how exactly this is all connected, and why it is so important.

One major point that I try to discuss with all of my clients, regardless of what issue brings them to therapy, is that there is no way to be "running on all cylinders" mentally, intellectually, or emotionally, if your nutrition** and physical health***  are suffering - and vice versa! I find that a lot of people are either unaware of the implications of that fact, are making themselves sick trying to overcome or "prove it wrong", or are simply in denial to avoid making positive and necessary change.

...while that is tough to see - I understand it. I have been there, and I know there are layers upon layers of reasons why people choose unhealthy lifestyles that often inadvertently end up sabotaging their efforts to be successful, attractive, happy, or in control.

But we can't ignore the subjects that are easiest to avoid, and there are mountains of studies and empirical research findings revealing the direct key role that nutrition plays in the onset, severity, and duration of serious mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, ADHD, psychosis, addiction, and common issues people struggle with on a daily basis like lack of motivation, sadness, irritability, insomnia, fatigue, relationship distress ... i could continue, but you get the picture.

To continue reading about this, and to learn about Jessica's holistic, realistic, and self-compassionate approach to the food we put in our bodies - please click here for part 2 on this topic.

Stay tuned for further research in the field on this, and for updates on my blog about how I am integrating the powerful bond between nutrition and mental health in my practice - with a wide array of human issues and concerns.

* Jessica Brennan, RD, has a private nutrition practice in Redondo Beach, CA. For more information on her services, you can visit her website here.

** Nutritional health does not necessarily mean either over-eating or under-eating, being over-weight or under-weight etc. These overused labels are often arbitrary and vary person by person. Nutritional health is about eating a balanced diet, from which your body is able to get all of the energy and nutrients it needs to function properly. It is important that you consult with a professional if you are concerned about your nutritional health.

*** I use the term physical health here as a general umbrella term, encompassing many factors such as sleep, stress management, nourishment, physical fitness, medical self-care, substance use, neurological functioning, etc.

Emotional Self-Care: Bridging the Gap Between Physical Health and Mental Health

Throughout my education, training, and personal and professional experience in the mental health field thus far, something has become very apparent to me: there remains to be a significant gap between the value of physical and psychological health. We live in a society where billions of dollars are spent each year on things like changes in health care, new ways to improve physical appearance, anti-aging techniques, and extreme weight-loss diet and exercise regimens...but psychological self-care is often de-prioritized and overlooked, maybe even labeled as "hokey psyco-babble". This is an important subject that I hope to research and explore further in my personal life and my career as a mental health clinician. 

Let me clarify that I am certainly not de-emphasizing the importance of physical health - I consider medical and biological history in every case in my practice. However, I do strongly believe that our minds and our bodies are innately interconnected, constantly influencing one-another and contributing together to overall quality of life.

Guy Winch, Psychologist and author, presented an excellent TedTalks on this issue, discussing the incredible benefits of addressing our psychological pains, in order to not only heal from them, but also build "emotional resilience and thrive". Guy outlines some common ailments of the heart and mind which are so often trivialized, but in fact often contribute to health issues. With his perspective on the human nature of mental and emotional challenges, such as loneliness, failure, rejection, shame, and negative thinking, he encourages us to look inward, take action, learn new responses, and treat the psychological pain caused by these wounds.     *See Guy Winch's bio and full TedTalks video below*

***If you get nothing else from this, please take this one reminder: treat yourself with the same compassion and kindness that you would expect from a caring parent, a very good friend, or a nurturing doctor.

There are many ways to engage in emotional self-care...personal therapy being one of them. If you are interested in looking into therapy, I encourage you to contact me to discuss options for therapeutic services.